Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Who the fuck is Daniel?

Daniel (whose last name I will kindly withhold) is my next door neighbor.

Daniel, as best I can tell, loves only 4 things in this world:

Himself. . .

Alcohol. . .

Cigarettes. . .

. . . and Julie Andrews.

Daniel is a menace, an alcoholic, and the most inconsiderate human being I have ever had the displeasure of dealing with.  He's a perfectly nice guy when he's sober - too bad THAT never happens.

I am divorcing Daniel.

I am planning to buy or sublet my way out of the remaining 7 months of my lease and move on to greener pastures.

Pastures where I don't have to listen to 'Le Jazz Hot' at 5 AM, or inhale his second hand smoke.

I wish I could say that Daniel is the only bad luck I've had to deal with recently, but the truth is that I have somehow run afoul of the real-estate deities.  Daniel is only the latest chapter in my story.  Daniel, however, is the last straw.

I'm blogging about this for my sanity.

I'm also blogging about this because I've spent the last 5 months of my life dealing with this mess, and I'm about to spend the foreseeable future absorbing the $1015 it will take to escape the nightmare. Maybe someone will click on an ad, and I'll get a check for 35 cents. Somehow, I feel that knowing that I made 35 cents off of Daniel will be a psychological and moral victory.

Anyway - spread the word and pass the link along to your friends.  Who knows, maybe you will even learn some helpful information!  These things may include:

*The magic words to get your not-to-code hot water pressure fixed.
*The rights of tenants in foreclosed properties.
*The worst thing that can (probably) happen to a toilet.
*The ever increasing list of horrors that I like to research about a place before I sign a lease.
*Handy packing tips for making your 6th move in 3 years.

Aside from collectively having a laugh at my various misfortunes (because laughter is the only way I've managed to keep fighting through this), I'm also hoping to pass along a message to anyone happening to read this: you don't have to take it.  I've yet to run into a situation so bad that I haven't been able to get out with my dignity, my credit score, and my possessions intact.

. . . and yes, I HAVE pounded on a door with a hockey stick.  We'll get to that eventually.

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